I believe that everyone has the ability to change. For those who think it is impossible, the answer lies within you and is there for the taking.
This story contains discussion of substance dependency, needle injuries and hospitalisation.
If you would prefer not to read about these topics, we have other stories of recovery you can read on our website.
My story begins in 1995 when, after a couple of years of what I perceived to be controlled recreational drug use, the genie was finally let out of the bottle, and I was introduced to crack cocaine and heroin.
The next 2 years found me searching for yet more, and this constant curiosity and bottomless void within me soon escalated into intravenous drug use.
I began to realise that my addiction was like sand pouring through an hourglass, as one space inside of me was being filled, another was being emptied. It was not enough to fulfil me, but by now, it was too powerful for me to let it go. I knew I had to find a way to overcome this battle, but the pin had been pulled and the following decades would bring the greatest challenges I would ever have to face.
I used many methods in an attempt to break free from the addiction which included drug replacements, self-rehabilitation, naltrexone implants, hypnosis and several ceremonies with the plant medicines Iboga and Ayahuasca, all of which would be in vain. The default I then turned to was to run and hide from the area I associated with my drug use. I moved county, country, then continent until I finally ended up in Sydney on the other side of the world.
Lo and behold, the demons followed me everywhere I landed, and I now couldn’t get any further away from home. Another realisation was that I was running from my own head, not the town I grew up in. My mind had been my body’s jailer for so long and the only way I would find peace was to find what made me happy without the chemical stimulus.
I moved back to the UK in 2018, this time, with a family in tow. I tried desperately to stay on the right path, but the engrained habits again took over.
I finally met my maker in 2022 after being hospitalised with an abscess on my spine and Sepsis. The hospital staff told my family that I wouldn’t make it through the night.
I did make it through the night but not without penance, I was left with limited use of my left leg for around 6 months. I knew that this was the end of the road, and, after another year and one final attempt to cling to whatever remnants of the past were left, I decided to let go of that part of my life once and for all.
I was introduced to Change Grow Live by a friend some years ago, however, in the past engagements I was not fully committed to their service and inevitably did not see the treatments through.
The staff at Change Grow Live had left a lasting impression on me though as they were always welcoming, friendly and non-judgmental. This made it easy for me to return, and this time round I fully committed myself, which was mirrored with the service they provided.
Change Grow Live and Recovery Connections were pivotal in my recovery this time around. This is because I completely surrendered myself to all they had to offer and I began attending all the group sessions with 100 percent commitment. The group sessions began to teach me alternative thought processes to deal with my behaviours and reflect on the past more constructively. From that moment I became consumed with anything that was beneficial to my new life. I didn’t just go into recovery; I became my recovery.
I changed my phone number, deleted all the unhelpful contacts and gave my notice into work. I then began reading and researching everything related to addiction, behaviourism, psychology, trauma and spirituality. I set myself a task of walking to the top of Roseberry Topping every day for a month and, once I had achieved that, I felt like I could achieve anything. I joined the gym and began exercising every day while still getting out into nature for my downtime.
I began to repair the broken relationships in my life and practice being the best possible role model to my children.
All the while I was still attending all the groups at Change Grow Live and I found myself supporting others within the group. The penny finally dropped, and I knew instantly that this was what I now wanted to do with my life: to give back to others what had been given to me, hope, empowerment and freedom.
This instantly allowed me to let go of the 30 years that held me captive and the new mantra became “whatever has been lost to my past will have its balance paid by my future”.
I am now ten months into my recovery journey, and Recovery Connections employs me as a Community Coach.
I cherish every single day and I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to support my community in the way that I do.
I believe that everyone has the ability to change, and for those that think it is an impossible task, the answer is inside of you and there for the taking.