Talking to a young person about drugs and alcohol

If you're worried that a teenager you care about is drinking or using drugs, it can be hard to know how to talk to them about it. 

We've created a guide to having 'the talk' without things getting confrontational.

Before the drug and alcohol talk

Reflect on how you’re feeling. Before you even think about talking to your relative, take some time to reflect on how you’re feeling and why. You might feel angry or disappointed, fearful, or like you’ve done something wrong - especially if you're a parent or carer. Taking some time to think about it and work through your feelings will make it easier to have a calm conversation with them.

Keep some perspective. Remember that it’s common for young people to experiment with drugs and alcohol. Trying something in most cases doesn't turn into a long-term problem. There's usually an underlying reason which can often be a greater problem than the drugs or alcohol themselves.

Remember – there's usually an underlying reason for substance use which can often be a greater problem than the drugs or alcohol themselves. Teenagers can be under a lot of stress due to peer pressure, bullying, exams, family issues or poor self-esteem or body image. Trying drink or drugs can be an attempt to escape this, or fit in.

Do your homework. Demonstrating knowledge and understanding can help the young person to be more receptive to your advice and support. Check out the useful links at the bottom of this page.

Plan what you want to say, and what you would like to get out of this. Spend time thinking about what you want to say, considering how the other person might react and thinking of some approaches you can take. Your teenager might feel:

• suspicious about why you want to talk to them
• like you won’t listen or understand
• worried that you will lecture or judge them
• guilty or ashamed
• nervous about you invading their privacy.

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How to talk to a young person about drugs and alcohol

• Try not to panic. Taking a calm approach will make it easier to communicate and for the young person to feel they can open up to you.
• Don’t force them to have a discussion. Being willing to back off shows respect and understanding.
• Be open and honest. If you’re open and honest, it’s more likely that they’ll be the same. Ask open questions. Listen more than you talk. Focus on the facts rather than your emotions. Don’t use scare tactics.
• Ask what’s going on with them. Teenagers often use alcohol and drugs to deal with more complicated issues that are affecting their lives. For example: physical and mental health problems, relationship issues, or in more extreme cases, exploitation. Trying to find out what else is going on and being patient and understanding will make it easier for them to open up.
• Find out about their habits. If the talk is going well, you can try to find out what they’re drinking or using, how often and who with. This will help you gain perspective on what you are dealing with and plan what to do next.

What to do next

Your next steps after the talk depend a lot on how it went. If you didn’t find out much, keep the lines of communication open so they can talk to you when they’re ready.

You can also encourage them to do some reading, learn more about what they’re doing and how to stay safe. See the links at the bottom of this page for things to suggest.

If you’re worried that they’re at risk or unsafe, making changes alone can be hard. We’re here to help. Use our service finder to find your local Change Grow Live service, then give us a call to discuss your options.

Take care of yourself too. Supporting someone who uses drugs and/or alcohol can put families under huge strain. Looking after yourself will mean you can be more resilient and do more to support them.